In Izzy's almost three years of life, I have been stretched in ways I never thought I could be. My limits have been tested, my patience have been pushed. This weekend was all about some new experiences for Izzy. Honestly, they were things I hadn't done either. I'll be the first person to admit I'm not exactly a daring individual. I have a comfort zone I like to operate within, and I've stuck inside that safety zone for quite a while. Don't get me wrong, I'll step outside of it if I have to, but it sometimes takes a lot of convincing and pep talks to get me to that point. I've probably become better at it in the last year. I guess my thought is if you can completely destroy the foundation your life is built on and start over, the little things shouldn't be that big of a deal. Still, sometimes they are.
My fear of doing new things boils down to one overarching theme: I hate not being good at things. Let's face it, very few people are great at something right out of the gate. The great football players didn't start out great, they worked to that point. The great race horses didn't start out winning races, they were worked to that point. You get where I'm going with this. That fear though, the fear of not being good and looking ridiculous/letting others see you fail, that's pride. Pride gets in the way a lot the more I think about it. I've had to check that pride at the door a lot this last year. I've had to ask for help because I needed it and because others have offered. I have had to admit I was wrong, admit defeat and admit others might know more than I do. My ego has taken some blows, and it hurt. At the end of the day, I needed it. I needed those hits to sting a bit. I needed to be reminded that pride, when it is out of control, is an ugly thing. I had a conversation with my parents recently about pride and about listening to God. A recent set of sermons I have heard reminded me that when God is trying to talk to us and we aren't listing, he will subtly try to get our attention and guide us down the right path. But, when we insist on completely ignoring him, he resorts to alternative methods. I'm stubborn and it took a lot for him to get my attention. There was pride in that situation though.. in thinking I knew better. In thinking I was the one who had the power in control in the situation. I didn't, I only thought I did.
So what lessons has parenting taught me lately? Swallow that pride and push past the anxiety of it. This weekend, Izzy and I had the chance to get out of town for a quick overnight trip. We had the chance to ride 4 wheelers. Before you ask yourselves the question, no, I have never been on a 4 wheeler. My dad bought me a go kart when I was younger, and that is the closest I have been. Obviously I drive a car, but I have always driven automatics. I don't know how to drive a stick shift. It's on my bucket list. Mostly because I some day hope to own a classic muscle car, so driving a stick is kind of a must. I'm a bit of a traditionalist or old soul in that sense and think that some skills shouldn't die. Much like writing checks and learning cursive.
Back to the lesson... Izzy was absolutely not riding the 4 wheeler unless I was the one driving. There I was, literally terrified to get on the thing like it was going to bite me. I stood there looking at her and I thought to myself... I have two options right now: walk away, or suck up my pride and my fear and show my child it's ok to try new things that we are afraid of. So, I got on and made a short loop. Before long, Izzy decided she wanted to jump on too. And you know what, we both loved it. Before long, neither one of us wanted to get off. Parenting is sometimes about putting our own fears aside and showing your kids it's ok to step outside their comfort zones once in a while. That's how we grow.
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