As Summer Winds Down...

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end.  This is precisely how I feel about summer at the moment.  Classes start back up for me on Monday and it's back to the grind for until mid December.  It's hard to believe I have a year of law school under my belt already.  It's true what they say, "the days are long but the months and years are short."  The first year of school felt like the longest year of my life, but it also flew by in the blink of an eye. 

Looking back to a year ago, I was full of fear.  I wasn't sure how any of this was going to work.  I was trying to get the house ready to put on the market, I was walking away from my full time job moving to part time and knowing that was only through the end of the year.  I was going back to school after being away for eight years.  I was absolutely terrified.  I was terrified of failing.  Of falling flat on my face.  At 31 years old, I was worried about not fitting in.  Not having anyone to talk to in class.  Being the odd one out because I had a little "life" under my belt. 

Sometimes all you can do is run with that fear and keep going.  Push forward.  You have two choices, sit with your fear or do something with it.  The last year has been hands down the hardest year of my life, but it has also been a year full of growth.  I have learned more about myself as a Christian, a woman, a mom, a friend, a student and as an employee.  There isn't a single aspect of my life that hasn't been impacted by the changes I've seen in this season.  I cried more tears of frustration and of joy this last year because sometimes you just don't have the words. 

There have been struggles and dark days, but there has been a lot of good.  My fears of not having friends at school have been cast away.  I have been surrounded with love and encouragement from an amazing group of people.  The professors and staff members at school have all been amazing and compassionate.  Most days, my faith in humanity is restored by my interactions with these individuals.  I feel immensely blessed for the opportunity to sit and learn every day.  Just don't ask me how blessed I feel when I'm fifty pages in on a constitutional law reading because I might not be as upbeat about the whole thing. 

During my down time over the last month, I have spent a lot of time reflecting.  I had a chance to do some personal reading and really absorb the message.  I've spent some time trying to get inside the mind of a two year old and understand the struggles and frustrations miss Izzy experiences.  She is a child of extremes and continues to challenge me.  I think it's safe to say she and I are both in a season of change and growth right now, but I'm really enjoying our mommy daughter duo! 

I have tried to cram a lot in for us this summer.  We made a trip to the zoo with papa and grandma earlier this month.  We have done some swimming, which is a favorite for Izzy.  We made a speed trip to the State Fair, which was cut short when someone spiked a 104 degree fever.  Bless the EMT's in the first aid station at the fair who confirmed what my mama gut was telling me.  Apparently Izzy acquired her heat intolerance from her mama.  Sorry kiddo!  On the bright side, mine isn't as bad now as it was when I was younger, so lets hope the same holds true for her. 

We still have a lot of activities planned for the fall.  Next month we celebrate Izzy's 3rd birthday.  I'm still trying to come to terms with it.  We have family pictures scheduled for her birthday weekend as well.  Let's hope she wants to cooperate!  We also have harvest and pumpkin patches to look forward to.  We are headed into my favorite time of year, and I am pumped.  Football season is also just around the corner, and that's the best season in my book!  No trips to Green Bay planned this year, maybe a summer trip next year is in order! 

For those wondering how Izzy is doing, she continues to grow physically as well as emotionally and mentally.  Her vocabulary blows my mind.  Her sass sometimes mortifies me.  She is a bundle of energy every day.  If she isn't, you know she's sick.  She is an amazing sleeper and does best when she gets 12-13 hours of sleep per night.  She still is taking a nap (at least at home on the weekends, daycare has a difficult time getting her to sit still for more than a hot minute).  Potty training is something that is on our radar, but not something I think Izzy is fully ready to commit to.  It is definitely going to need to be her idea.  She loves music and dancing and the girl knows how to find a beat!  She loves reading and is quite animated with her storytelling!  She is obsessed with water in pools and fountains.  She is learning to be affectionate both with Maya and with me.  She was never a snuggly baby, so I'm actually enjoying the snuggle time with her.  My biggest growth moment over the summer with her has been to stop and focus on her.  There are nights I end up sitting with her in my lap in the middle of the floor because she has had a meltdown over something and the girl just needs a hug.  I have had to realize that her lashing out and misbehavior is a cry for attention and she deserves my attention. 

I hope you all had a wonderful summer and are enjoying the last days as we roll closer to September. 

Life Lessons Parenting Has Taught Me

I had more to say on this topic than should be crammed into one Facebook post, so of course I took to writing a blog post about it.  I'm in a season of learning and growing and in speaking with friends and family about my struggles and the things I'm learning, I'm comforted by the fact that I'm not the only one feeling these things.  

In Izzy's almost three years of life, I have been stretched in ways I never thought I could be. My limits have been tested, my patience have been pushed.  This weekend was all about some new experiences for Izzy.  Honestly, they were things I hadn't done either.  I'll be the first person to admit I'm not exactly a daring individual.  I have a comfort zone I like to operate within, and I've stuck inside that safety zone for quite a while.  Don't get me wrong, I'll step outside of it if I have to, but it sometimes takes a lot of convincing and pep talks to get me to that point.  I've probably become better at it in the last year.  I guess my thought is if you can completely destroy the foundation your life is built on and start over, the little things shouldn't be that big of a deal.  Still, sometimes they are.  

My fear of doing new things boils down to one overarching theme: I hate not being good at things.  Let's face it, very few people are great at something right out of the gate.  The great football players didn't start out great, they worked to that point.  The great race horses didn't start out winning races, they were worked to that point.  You get where I'm going with this.  That fear though, the fear of not being good and looking ridiculous/letting others see you fail, that's pride.  Pride gets in the way a lot the more I think about it.  I've had to check that pride at the door a lot this last year.  I've had to ask for help because I needed it and because others have offered.  I have had to admit I was wrong, admit defeat and admit others might know more than I do.  My ego has taken some blows, and it hurt.  At the end of the day, I needed it.  I needed those hits to sting a bit.  I needed to be reminded that pride, when it is out of control, is an ugly thing.  I had a conversation with my parents recently about pride and about listening to God.  A recent set of sermons I have heard reminded me that when God is trying to talk to us and we aren't listing, he will subtly try to get our attention and guide us down the right path.  But, when we insist on completely ignoring him, he resorts to alternative methods.  I'm stubborn and it took a lot for him to get my attention.  There was pride in that situation though.. in thinking I knew better.  In thinking I was the one who had the power in control in the situation.  I didn't, I only thought I did.  

So what lessons has parenting taught me lately?  Swallow that pride and push past the anxiety of it.  This weekend, Izzy and I had the chance to get out of town for a quick overnight trip.  We had the chance to ride 4 wheelers.  Before you ask yourselves the question, no, I have never been on a 4 wheeler.  My dad bought me a go kart when I was younger, and that is the closest I have been.  Obviously I drive a car, but I have always driven automatics. I don't know how to drive a stick shift.  It's on my bucket list.  Mostly because I some day hope to own a classic muscle car, so driving a stick is kind of a must.  I'm a bit of a traditionalist or old soul in that sense and think that some skills shouldn't die.  Much like writing checks and learning cursive.

Back to the lesson... Izzy was absolutely not riding the 4 wheeler unless I was the one driving.  There I was, literally terrified to get on the thing like it was going to bite me.  I stood there looking at her and I thought to myself... I have two options right now: walk away, or suck up my pride and my fear and show my child it's ok to try new things that we are afraid of.  So, I got on and made a short loop.  Before long, Izzy decided she wanted to jump on too.  And you know what, we both loved it.  Before long, neither one of us wanted to get off.  Parenting is sometimes about putting our own fears aside and showing your kids it's ok to step outside their comfort zones once in a while.  That's how we grow.