It's Better If You Don't Ask

As is typical for Sunday mornings in our house, I'm up before everyone else (these are the joys of having a body clock set to getting up five day per week to go to work. I find I can no longer sleep in like I did during my college days; sad, I know. So, I put on my pot of coffee and set out on the internet. There really is no rhyme or reason to my internet surfing, but one thing leads to another and the next thing I know I looking at vacations homes in Florida. Ha, not really but you get the idea.

This morning I made the usual rounds of my email, which as usual was filled with junk. I have gone on a bit of a spree lately where I am unsubscribing from a bunch of email lists. These stupid sales they send me emails about are just too tempting. I have emails from One Kings Lane, Joss & Main, Lands End, Eddie Bauer, Amazon, Ebay... I can't handle all the temptation. After I unsubscribed from a few more email lists, I checked on my facebook to see how many of my friends are still reeling from my beloved Packers loss last night. And no, I don't want to talk about it. Right now, I don't want to think about it. I can't process yet again the fact that I won’t get to see my team in action again until August, and who knows how many of my favorite players they are going to cut by then.

When my facebook loop was complete, I checked out some random open houses (read the title of this post, that should tell you what you need to know). After I decided that to get the home of my dreams with the kind of kitchen I want I'm going to have to drop $300,000 plus, I gave up. As my Grandma used to say, champagne taste on a beer budget. In addition to randomly looking at houses, I routinely plan out full vacations that we won’t take for years. I look up airfare, hotels, the whole nine yards.

So, I stumble over to Amazon to see what things they have on sale that I don't need to spend money on. Especially after spending a cool chunk of change on Buddy at the vet yesterday for his annual vaccines, I'm feeling especially broke until tax return time. Now, here is where the title of this post really comes from. I find myself looking at random baby items, and next thing I know I have created an Amazon list for a baby that Andrew and I have only really talked about in theory. No, we aren't thinking about having a baby any time in the next yearish. If I had to guess, I'm thinking this list creation is stemming from the baby dreams I have been having lately. A few of them have been something like I'm sitting at the doctor’s office for a routine exam blissfully unaware that when the doctor comes in she is going to tell me I'm pregnant. Others I have had, the baby has already arrived. I think I had one where I was in labor, clearly that was more a nightmare than anything else. I didn't even have this many wedding dreams before the wedding. I don't know what is up with these dreams, but if they could kindly remove themselves from my nightly repertoire, I would appreciate it.

So, back to my Amazon list creation. Of course I realize the general basics for a baby, crib, changing table (yes I realize you don't necessarily NEED one), bottles, pacifiers, diapers, stroller, car seat, etc. Many of you have kids, you know how the list goes. Somewhere between strollers and bottles, I had a mini meltdown. How in the name of everything insane can there be this many choices for bottles? Plastic, glass, fifty different kinds of nipples, 4 oz, 8 oz, and queue my meltdown here. I can't even decide some mornings what I want for breakfast let alone what kind of bottle my theory child should use. I don't know how you pregnant ladies out there aren't just sitting in a ball under a table somewhere. I wanted to, and I don't really have to worry about this stuff right now. After a meltdown over these things, I'm thinking I probably shouldn't be held responsible for the life of another human being. Maybe you should ask my doggies what they think of my abilities to take care of them. Hopefully they would tell you I do alright. The other meltdown I have is over the sheer cost of all this baby stuff. Dang kids, mama aint made of money. $200 for a stroller, $150 for a crib, $10 for a crib sheet, another $100 plus for a mattress, it is just getting out of hand at that point, and that isn't even a quarter of the crap you need. So, before I had a total panic attack over all this information, I closed out of Amazon. I don't know how you new moms do it, but I commend you. When the time does come for Andrew and I to expand the family again, I will be coming to all of you for advise, consider this your warning!