There are days I'm not sure I will ever make it through this phase, and then there are days where I feel like I actually have everything under control. Wednesday this week, I was able to take little miss out for a cupcake (I had the cupcake, she didn't), shopping for a new headband, and visiting a few of the ladies at Kirklands, and on a walk with the dogs! She was an angel and slept through most of it. At the end of the day, I felt like I was totally nailing this whole being a mommy thing. Yesterday, I was finally able to get her to take a three hour nap about 5:30 PM. I guess she thought thirty minute cat naps were fine for the rest of the day. At the end of the day, I felt like a total failure at the mommy game.
Luckily, we are doing better with sleeping at night. Once I figured out swaddling her with her arms tucked in helped her sleep even though she initially fights me on it, we all slept better. Two nights ago we put her down at 10:30 and she didn't wake up until 6:00. I had to do a double take at the clock when she woke up! Last night, we got her down about 10:30 and she slept until 4:00. When she wakes up, she is up for anywhere between 45 minutes to an hour and then goes back down for a few hours.
These last few weeks have been increasingly busy with my return to work. Right now, I'm working in the mornings until after Thanksgiving. Because Andrew's schedule is flexible, he has been able to watch Izzy in the mornings while I'm working. She will go to daycare for the first time after Thanksgiving; I'm really not ready for that yet.
Miss Izzy has changed a lot the last few weeks. She is more alert and enjoys checking out her surroundings. She smiles at us now, and is starting to laugh. Guys, my heart explodes when she smiles at me. There are moments when I wonder what we got ourselves into. There are other moments when I'm not totally in love with being a mommy, or feel like I wasn't cut out for the job. But, when this little girl smiles and laughs, I feel like everything is going to be alright. Growing up, I had friends who wanted nothing more than to be a mommy; I never felt that calling. However, I knew if I didn't, I would always feel like I was missing out on something precious. I know in time I will fall into this whole mom thing. For now, there are days it is hard to see past the number of diapers, ounces per bottle and length of naps and that is OK.
When we weighed Izzy last week, she was up to 11 lbs and 4 ounces. I know she is getting longer too, but we won't find out exactly how long until her two month appointment in a few weeks. She is now completely out of newborn sizes (sad day) and is wearing a combination of 0-3 month and 3 month clothes. She is still in size one diapers, but I suspect she will be out of those shortly. We are still doing a combination of breastfeeding and formula. No, it's not how I imagined things would go. But, it's what works for us and means we have a happy baby. At this point, we take it one day at a time. I have my goals; 3 months, 6 months, 9 months and 1 year. I have made it over half way to my first breastfeeding goal of three months. Again, you do what you can and try not to tear yourself apart about it not being how you imagined. There are a lot of people who will tell you how you "should" do things. Sometimes, you have to tune those people out.
This next few weeks are going to busy. We have our family shower this weekend. We celebrate Thanksgiving next week; Izzy might even get to experience a little Black Friday shopping! Izzy starts daycare in a little over a week, and she has her two month check up at the end of the month. Time is seriously flying!
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