A Day In the Life Of...

I'm clearly not keeping up with the weekly update pattern I established while pregnant.  I look back on those days and wonder what I did with all my free time.  I thought I was busy then... silly.  I really had no idea what was to come.  When you have a child who doesn't want to nap unless you are holding her, it doesn't help me get things crossed off my to do list.  When I do get a minute to step away, it's usually to get something to eat.  I can't complain though; baby snuggles make it all better!

There are days I'm not sure I will ever make it through this phase, and then there are days where I feel like I actually have everything under control.  Wednesday this week, I was able to take little miss out for a cupcake (I had the cupcake, she didn't), shopping for a new headband, and visiting a few of the ladies at Kirklands, and on a walk with the dogs! She was an angel and slept through most of it.  At the end of the day, I felt like I was totally nailing this whole being a mommy thing.  Yesterday, I was finally able to get her to take a three hour nap about 5:30 PM.  I guess she thought thirty minute cat naps were fine for the rest of the day.  At the end of the day, I felt like a total failure at the mommy game. 

Luckily, we are doing better with sleeping at night.  Once I figured out swaddling her with her arms tucked in helped her sleep even though she initially fights me on it, we all slept better.  Two nights ago we put her down at 10:30 and she didn't wake up until 6:00.  I had to do a double take at the clock when she woke up!  Last night, we got her down about 10:30 and she slept until 4:00.  When she wakes up, she is up for anywhere between 45 minutes to an hour and then goes back down for a few hours. 

These last few weeks have been increasingly busy with my return to work.  Right now, I'm working in the mornings until after Thanksgiving.  Because Andrew's schedule is flexible, he has been able to watch Izzy in the mornings while I'm working.  She will go to daycare for the first time after Thanksgiving; I'm really not ready for that yet. 

Miss Izzy has changed a lot the last few weeks.  She is more alert and enjoys checking out her surroundings.  She smiles at us now, and is starting to laugh.  Guys, my heart explodes when she smiles at me.  There are moments when I wonder what we got ourselves into.  There are other moments when I'm not totally in love with being a mommy, or feel like I wasn't cut out for the job.  But, when this little girl smiles and laughs, I feel like everything is going to be alright. Growing up, I had friends who wanted nothing more than to be a mommy; I never felt that calling.  However, I knew if I didn't, I would always feel like I was missing out on something precious.  I know in time I will fall into this whole mom thing.  For now, there are days it is hard to see past the number of diapers, ounces per bottle and length of naps and that is OK.   

When we weighed Izzy last week, she was up to 11 lbs and 4 ounces.  I know she is getting longer too, but we won't find out exactly how long until her two month appointment in a few weeks.  She is now completely out of newborn sizes (sad day) and is wearing a combination of 0-3 month and 3 month clothes.  She is still in size one diapers, but I suspect she will be out of those shortly.  We are still doing a combination of breastfeeding and formula.  No, it's not how I imagined things would go.  But, it's what works for us and means we have a happy baby.  At this point, we take it one day at a time. I have my goals; 3 months, 6 months, 9 months and 1 year.  I have made it over half way to my first breastfeeding goal of three months.  Again, you do what you can and try not to tear yourself apart about it not being how you imagined.  There are a lot of people who will tell you how you "should" do things.  Sometimes, you have to tune those people out. 

This next few weeks are going to busy.  We have our family shower this weekend.  We celebrate Thanksgiving next week; Izzy might even get to experience a little Black Friday shopping!  Izzy starts daycare in a little over a week, and she has her two month check up at the end of the month.  Time is seriously flying!  

We Made It a Whole Month

I clearly underestimated just how time consuming life with a newborn is.  Most days, my biggest accomplishment is taking a shower.  It's a bonus if I also get three meals in the same day at relatively normal times.  We were lucky enough to have Andrew stay home with us for the first two weeks after Isabelle was born.  The start of week three meant we had to send him back off to work. Even when he wasn't really "doing" anything, it was a huge help for me having him around and having that emotional support. The first day he left to go back to work I was scared out of my mind.  I had flashbacks to the day after we brought Buddy home when Andrew left for work and I sat there looking at Buddy wondering what we had done and why anyone trusted me with the total care of another.

I have lost track of the number of episodes of random shows I have watched on Netflix over the past five weeks. Yes, I'm sure that sounds like a glorious vacation to some. Honestly, I'm not sure how many of those episodes I actually remember. I can't seem to stay awake for more than two episodes at a time and usually find myself nodding off on the couch multiple times throughout the day.  Luckily, I can count on the dogs barking at someone outside to wake me up!  There have been many days I sat on the couch  thinking of my "to-do" list, and the list of things I thought I was going to get done on maternity leave. Note to self if we decide to have another... don't make a list of things to do while on maternity leave. Most days my internal debate is if I should eat breakfast while Isabelle is down for a nap, clean up the kitchen, start a load of laundry, or sit on the couch and pray for sleep to come. Sleep and food usually win out!  Unfortunately, my post-partum recovery was also hindered this last week when I developed shingles. One of the joys of pregnancy and the post-partum period is a compromised immune system; prime time for shingles to develop. Since we have a newborn in the house, I didn't take the wait it out approach I normally do.  I went to the doctor to confirm my suspicion and was placed on a week long dose of medications.  I think we are safely out of the woods on Isabelle coming down with chicken pox from my case of the shingles. 

This week, I have been thinking a lot about my return to work, which is coming up next week.  I'm sad that my time at home with Isabelle is coming to an end. However, I'm a little excited about returning to work. As I told Andrew last week, my work gives me a sense of purpose. Frankly, these last five weeks, I have felt a little lost. I'm in the midst of trying to figure out this new role of mommy and how that fits in with my identity as I have come to know it over the past 29 years.  I hope this next week, once a few of my normal activities such as working and going to the gym return to my life, I start to adjust to my new normal. 

It's hard to believe our little lady already turned one month old. I remember when we were in the hospital and we were debating getting newborn pictures taken. Both our parents encouraged us to get them taken and said in even one month she would change so much that we would like having those pictures to look back on.  This last week as I worked on birth announcements, I realized just how true that statement was. She has already changed so much.   We used up the last newborn sized diaper today, and I was a little sad knowing that she fit them so perfectly when we brought her home from the hospital.  

Since most people ask the all important question about sleep; no, she is not sleeping through the night. She typically wakes up one to two times during the night. Bedtime still is a struggle most nights. One night she will go down at 11:00 with no issue, and the next night she really doesn't go to sleep until 1 or 2 in the morning. I haven't quite figured out how that is going to work when I go back to work next week. I can't function on four hours of sleep. 

Other than the sleeping thing, she really is a great baby. She has started to smile and "talk" to us, which I love. She is doing great holding her head up. She doesn't seem to hate tummy time. She typically loves bath time, although I think she likes bath time when daddy gives the bath way more than when mommy does. She has pretty much outgrown newborn clothes and has now moved up to 0 to 3 month clothing. For one piece outfits, she is actually in three month outfits and even some of those are a bit too short for her.  There were some tears this week as I packed away several newborn outfits and brought out more of her three month clothing.  She is already growing so fast!  

This coming week, I go in for my six week follow up with the midwives.  It's strange that I haven't seen then for six weeks.  I got used to seeing them every other week and then every week.  I hope to get the all clear to get back into the gym.  I have been trying to take the dogs on walks around the neighborhood, but I'm also ready to get back into more of the structured workout.  Walking two beagles doesn't provide the most consistent walking pace.  Also coming up for us are family photos; fingers crossed little miss cooperates!