Welcome To Parenthood: Weeks 1 and 2

We have made it through the first two and a half weeks of parenthood with only a few meltdowns and more than a few tears from multiple members of the household.  Over the past few weeks, we have had a crash course in parenting.  I did a lot of reading before I got pregnant and during my pregnancy, and thought I had most of it figured out.  No amount of research and reading could prepare me for the roller coaster of emotions over the past two weeks.

Of all the lists I combed through on Pinterest before having miss Isabelle, none of them covered a few key things I have now learned and wish I had known ahead of time: 

1.  Your emotions starting on day three or four after delivery are going to be out of control.  It's normal, and it will get better soon.  While I knew my hormones would be all over the place after delivery, I wasn't prepared for the total crash a few days after coming home from the hospital.  While I was in the hospital after having Isabelle, I was riding the high that came with delivery.  Once we were home, a new reality set in.  I cried at the drop of a hat over absolutely nothing, or sometimes it was actually over something.  I was a mess, and poor Andrew had to pick up the pieces more than a few times.  One late night feeding I looked down at our new little bundle and broke down at the thought of sending her off to daycare in six weeks, which is something I never thought I would struggle with.  That's only the tip of the iceberg on things that caused me to cry that first week after delivery.   

2. It's OK if breastfeeding doesn't come naturally and you and/or baby struggle with it.  In all my reading before delivery, I had created a perfect image in my head of our little bundle arriving and instantly having an amazing latch and getting all the nourishment she needed from me.  What I wasn't prepared for was the possibility of supply issues, soreness, issues with latching, or the total dependency breastfeeding creates.  We were sent home from the hospital with some samples of supplementation formula.  While I had every intention of exclusively breastfeeding our beautiful bundle, I wasn't prepared for the potential of not being able to keep up with her needs.  On our second night home as she was screaming, seemingly out of hunger, we caved and broke out a bottle of formula.  After scarfing down two ounces of formula, our bundle passed out.  I spent the next several days hating myself for giving in and giving her formula.  I'm not sure how many times it took Andrew telling me that it was OK and I wasn't a bad mom before I actually believed him.  Luckily, my supply has picked up with the help of some herbal supplements, tea, lactation cookies, oatmeal.... breastfeeding is a job, and I'm still trying to iron out the details of my new job.  For now, we have struck a balance between breastfeeding and supplementing with formula.   

3. Babies don't sleep through the night right away.  Sleeping still isn't something we have mastered just yet.  Someone doesn't like "bedtime".  Most nights, it is a two to three hour process to get her down for the night.  I realize, she is only two weeks old and this will come with time.  This sleep deprived mama hopes this fight will only be for a few more weeks.  Luckily, she is good about waking up every three hours to eat.  It was only a few nights ago that I stopped setting an alarm to wake her up.  I finally realized after two weeks that she wakes up to eat every three hours like clock work.  The nights I was setting an alarm, she was waking up ten minutes before my alarm went off.  The first night I didn't set an alarm, I was worried sick she wouldn't wake up to eat.  Luckily, I can add that to the list of silly things to worry about as a parent since she woke up every three hours like a champ.  Feedings have become a little more efficient now too, so when we do wake up it isn't for two or three hours at a time.  Someone also should have told me that the first and second night home are likely going to be the worst, because they were.  I was up for a four hour stretch with her our first night home because she woke up every time I would try to put her back down in her bassinet.     

4. Take care of yourself.  People told me this before I delivered.  The nurses and midwives told me this after I delivered.  It's true that you are no good to anyone if you don't take care of yourself.  Ask for help.  I hate asking for help, it literally pains me when I can't do things for myself.  However, I knew I needed to be able to let others help me for a few weeks while my body was recovering.  Things are sore after delivery.  I can't spring up of the couch like I used to.  I get tired walking the dogs down to the corner and back.  I have to take a break after folding a load of laundry.  At the end of each day, I have to remind myself this is all OK.   After a week and a half of no driving and being stuck in the house, I asked Andrew to watch Izzy while I ran to Target.  It did a world of good for me to get out of the house even if it was for thirty minutes.  Something about taking a shower, putting on normal underwear rather than the mesh underwear they send you home from the hospital in (don't get me wrong, those things are a total God send), driving, and taking in my first sips of Starbucks espresso in nine months made me feel like a normal human again for a few minutes.  This week, Andrew watched Izzy again for a couple of hours while I went to dinner with my work team.  I know it's these small outings that are going to keep me on track.  I love being a mommy to our little girl, and I love the time I spend with her.  However, I also know I cannot forget about myself either.  I'm eternally grateful for a husband who understands and supports me in my effort to balance being a new mommy with still being me.

 Mommy's first outing post baby - still looking about three months 

pregnant, but I'm ok with that right now.

As for Isabelle, she has had a big couple of weeks.  She had her first few appointments with the doctor, her first trip to Target, watched her first Packers game (she might have slept through most of it), her first solo outing with mommy, and her first time out at a restaurant.  At her two week appointment, she was back up to her birth weight and was happy, healthy, and already growing like a weed.  I see changes in her even over these two short weeks.  She is awake more each day, and I love watching her face as she takes in the world around her.  As I hold her, I remind myself to cherish the quiet moments I get with her now.  I know in the blink of an eye she will outgrow my lap.      

She Has Arrived!

Well, it's a good thing I wrote our 38 week update last Monday night.  Little did I know when I went to bed that night, it was the last night I would be going to sleep pregnant.  After eating a fabulous dinner fixed by Andrew, and watching a few episodes of Law & Order, Andrew headed off to work and I headed off to bed.  I woke up around 1:15 AM to go to the bathroom only to stand up and have my water break.  I was completely caught off guard. Andrew had previously asked me what would happen if my water broke in bed.  I laughed at him and told him most women don't go into labor with their water breaking, so I wasn't going to worry about it.  Let's face it, I was more concerned about my water breaking in the middle of Target or while driving down the interstate.  After texting Andrew and letting him know he might want to let everyone at work know he wouldn't be coming in the next day, I called our midwives to let them know that my water had broken.  

At the time my water broke, I wasn't experiencing any contractions.  My midwives advised me to try and get some rest and let them know around 7:00 AM where I was at with my contractions.  I also let our doula know my water had broken, so she knew we were "on the clock".  Ideally, they like to have baby out no more than 24 hours after your water breaks due to the increased risk of infection.  As a funny aside, the midwife on call when my water broke was the one we had treated with for a majority of my pregnancy.  However, the other midwife, whom we had seen only twice during my entire pregnancy, was the one coming on call at 7:00 that morning and would be the one on call when I delivered.  Andrew and I joked previously that the midwife on call when I went into labor was going to be the one we hadn't treated with as much.  Luckily, we loved both midwives, so we would have been happy with either of them.

By 5:30, I woke up and my contractions had kicked in, but I tried to continue sleeping because I knew I was going to need as much sleep as I could get before the marathon I was about to run.  By 6:30 AM, I couldn't sleep through the contractions, so I got up. I also woke up to find my nausea had kicked in again, but I ate some breakfast and went down to work for a bit to set up my out of office messages.  At that point, it still hadn't sunk in that I was in labor.  Sure, I was having contractions and they weren't exactly comfortable, but my mind hadn't fully processed what was going on or that our baby girl would be in our arms within 24 hours.  Throughout the morning I had been in contact with our doula updating her on my progress.  By 8:00 AM my contractions were consistently 5 minutes apart and lasting around 1 minute.  At 9:00 AM, I thought it was probably time for our doula to come over.  Around that time, I also had a call from the nurse at our midwives office.  We had our normal weekly appointment scheduled for 10:30 that morning, so they wanted us to come in so I could get checked to see where things were at.  Throughout our labor and delivery process, I was amazed by how awesome our midwife group was.  Normally, once the water breaks, we would have been told to go to the hospital right away, but we were encouraged to stay home.  It was also grea that I was able to go to the office to be checked rather than going to the hospital.  

Our doula followed us down to the office in case we were sent straight to the hospital after my appointment.  The car ride down to the clinic was less than enjoyable; contractions in a car are not my idea of a good time.  When I was checked at the clinic, I was about 3 centimeters dilated and 90% effaced.  I was sent home to labor further and advised to check back in with the midwives in the early afternoon.  While I was happy we weren't going to have to labor in the hospital all day, I wasn't thrilled to be getting back in the car.  We arrived back home around 11:30 AM.  I tried to eat some toast and peanut butter for lunch to keep my strength up, but was only able to get down one slice.  My nausea was really taking over at that point, thankfully our doula had peppermint oil on hand; that was the only thing that kept my nausea at bay throughout the day.  Andrew made sure I was drinking fluids after each contraction so I could stay hydrated.  Around 1:30 PM, we decided it might be time to head to the hospital; I guess our midwives thought so too because we had a call on our way down to the hospital to find out how things were going.  Once again, contractions while in a car are terrible.  The whole time we were on our way to the hospital, I kept thinking about our birthing class.  The teacher of the class talked about how most people say one of the things they hate the most about labor is riding in the car.  Thankfully, the ride was only about fifteen minutes.  We got parked and made our way up to the labor and delivery floor with a few stops on our way in for contractions.  I don't remember it sinking in, even at the point we were checking in to the hospital, that I was in labor and our little girl was on her way into the world.  Most of what I remember was operating on what felt like robot mode, trying to coach myself through each contraction and reminding myself to stay calm and breathe.  Luckily, Andrew was also there to remind me of those things.  I think I had myself so convinced I was going to go past my due date I didn't know what to think when it was clear our little lady had other ideas.

I'm not sure if our midwives had talked to the admitting desk prior to our arrival at the hospital, but we were able to bypass triage and go straight to our delivery room.  By the time we got settled into our room and they checked to see if I had progressed, I was seven centimeters dilated.  I couldn't believe I had progressed that much in a relatively short period of time.  While they did monitor her heartbeat from time to time, I wasn't continuously hooked up to machines for monitoring, so I was able to move around the room.  I remember the view from our room looked out over much of downtown, so I spent a lot of time looking out the window breathing through contractions.  They say during labor to find something to focus on; the downtown skyline became my focal point.

As you might recall from my prior posts, our plan going in to labor was for a completely un-medicated birth.  I didn't want so much as an IV in.  Because my strep B test was negative, I was able to get away with not having an IV.  We had a little push back from one of our nurses, but our midwife gave the ok for no IV (just another example of why I am eternally grateful for working with the midwives).  It felt great to have the freedom to move around as I wanted while working through the contractions.  I'm not going to lie, there were a couple of times I questioned my sanity about not wanting pain meds, and seriously thought about asking for some.  However, I reminded myself I had made it that far in the day without medications and my intent was to finish bringing our baby girl into the world without medications.  By 6:30 PM, I had reached 10 cm,  and had the overwhelming urge to push.  I had many people tell me my body would tell me when it was time to push, and they weren't joking.  At that point, it hurt not to push.  While I did all of my pushing in bed, I was able to push in several different positions, which I'm beyond grateful for.

Our birth team was amazing; there is no way I would have made it through without their help.  They held my legs when they felt like two ton bricks and I thought there was no possible way I could hold them up any longer.  They brought me ice and cold compresses when I felt like my body was on fire.  They held me up when it was time to push and my back felt like a knife was going through it.  And when I felt like giving up, they reminded me how far I had come and that our little girl was on her way into the world.  By 8:30, I was tired and wasn't sure I had the energy left to push through to the end.  I had to gather what energy I could and remind myself we were minutes away from meeting our baby girl. I think Andrew also used every last ounce of his energy to practically fold me in half so I could push with all the strength I had left.   Wednesday morning, we both felt like we had gone through a five hour workout; every muscle in my body burned.

Finally, on Tuesday, September 27th at 8:48 PM, we heard the beautiful cry of our baby girl.  She was 8 lbs. and 4 oz. of pure perfection. In that moment, I felt a love beyond description.  I finally understood when people told me about not knowing unconditional love until you hold your child in your arms for the first time.

 
As I reflect back on our pregnancy and the labor and delivery process, I cannot say enough good things about our midwives and our doula.  I know we couldn't have had the beautiful birth experience we had without their assistance.  The day our daughter was born was a whirlwind day, but I will always look back on it with gratitude for those who encouraged and allowed us to have the birth we set out to have.