I really didn't intend for it to be almost two months in between posts. I know I started typing a post previously, but I must have deleted it without publishing it. Clearly, it was a really important post. Life has been more than a little crazy lately. Since my last post, Andrew was gone for part of a week, and I was gone for part of the next week for work. We were home one week, but both working crazy hours, then we swapped out weeks being gone again in August. In the midst of it all, we picked up another foster dog. Sometimes life in our house feels like a circus! But, moving along to the post of the day.
The subject of this post stems from a conversation Andrew and I were having with my parents over dinner last weekend. It has taken me about a week to compile my thoughts on the topic, but I think I can finally put two semi calm, coherent sentences together on the matter. I have to say, this is something I feel pretty strongly about. I was raised on please and thank you; were you raised the same way? I fear people have grown too busy for please and thank you as of late. If I hold the door for someone, a smile and a thank you is appreciated. I don't hold the door because I expect something in return, I do it because that is how I was raised. Recently, we were out to eat and Andrew stood and held the door for several groups of people. Not one of them bothered to turn and say thank you as they were passing through the door. Does it take too much time to stop and say thank you? Are you too distracted with the latest and greatest cell phone to peel yours eyes up and see who held the door so you didn't walk right into it?
The day to day thank you's kill me, but the ones that really get under my skin are the big, what I call obvious, thank you's. I don't remember the last thank you we got for attending a wedding. There are all sorts of stats out on how much it costs a wedding guest to attend a wedding these days. While that thought doesn't always cross my mind, it does bother me that we took our day to spend with you and there is not a thank you given. I took part of a day to pick out a wedding gift and wrap it nicely to present to you. Yes, I realize the gift likely came from your registry, but there is still a process to determining which gift on the registry I'm going to pick. I spent another twenty minutes of a Sunday standing in the card aisle at Target trying to find just the right card to go with the gift I picked out. I say "I" because the gift picking out and card picking is left to me. I enjoy it, and Andrew admittedly isn't a card person. However, check the next card you get from us.... I promise you his signature will be on it.
Perhaps the thought behind the lack of a thank you note following a wedding is, we invited them, we gave them food, cake and dancing. Perhaps you even provided free booze as well. We gave our guests all these things, why do we need send them a card too? Ok, maybe it isn't quite that obvious or harsh. Perhaps the thought is, "we thanked them at the wedding". Having been the bride, I can safely say our wedding day was a blur. Sure, I remember who was there because I wrote out all the invitations and the table assignments. Yes, we spoke to every single person in attendance at the wedding as we were dismissing them from the church. No, I don't count that thank you as sufficient.
A recent reason I have heard for not sending out thank you's is that the person throwing the party simply doesn't have time. I'm going to pause for a minute to let that really soak in with you..... You had time to plan a party - compile a guest list, send out invitations, put together food, decorate, etc. But, you lack one to two hours to complete thank you notes when the party is done and the wrapping paper is sitting in the middle of the living room floor? Perhaps, if you lack time to write thank you notes, you also lack time to throw a party. Thank you notes are part of the party throwing package as far as I'm concerned. Be it a wedding, baby shower, wedding shower, birthday party, bachelorette party, house warming party, graduation, etc. show a little gratitude to your friends and family for taking time out of their day to celebrate with you. A thank you note doesn't have to be a five paragraph essay. A couple of sentences acknowledging someones attendance at the event and your appreciation goes a long way.
Here is some additional food for thought, gratitude = respect. Not saying thank you is disrespectful to those you should be thanking. If I took my time to attend your party, you can take your time to tell me that it was meaningful to you. Why do you invite the people you do to your parties? I invite people because I care about them, I value their friendship and their place in my life. When we compiled our invitation list for our wedding, we invited those whom we valued as friends and family members. We invited those who mentored us along the way. I wouldn't dream of disrespecting those we love and care about.
I'll leave you with a few additional things to mull over on the topic of gratitude. Take these things into consideration be it on a daily basis, or the next time you host an event.
"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others" - Cicero
"Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone" - Gladys Browyn Stern
"Showing gratitude is one of the simplest yet most powerful things humans can do for each other"
- Randy Pausch
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